Welp, since I had a top 10 list for having a wedding last week, I figured it would be only fitting to do the same for having a baby. The one thing I have found to be most comforting as a fairly new parent, is that I am usually never alone. If my son leaves me feeling uncertain or worried in any sort of way, there is ALWAYS someone who has dealt with the same thing or has even had a worse situation. Even so, there are a few things either no one ever told me, or I refused to listen to out of my own stubbornness. Here are just a few:
10. Let others help
I have become increasingly better at this. I am the type of person who hates accepting help from anyone. Even though it is not always the case, I feel I owe them something in return if I take their help. If you want to get into the psychology behind it, there are several instances in my life where someone has thrown “I can’t believe you said/did that after I did THIS for you” in my face. So it had honestly taught me to be self-sufficient and not ask others for help in fear that they would one day use it against me. It was not until after Brady was born, that I realized I needed the help that was offered to me. Honestly, LET people come over and watch your baby so you can nap, shower, whatever…LET people cook you meals…LET people babysit so you can have a night out! Honestly, allowing others to help has made me less stressed and has allowed me to flourish as a parent because I AM getting time to just relax and recoup.
9. Your life WILL change and it WILL be hard…
Let me clear this up a bit. I DID already know this, as I am sure most expectant parents do. I just never really fully understood the full extent of that phrase until October 16, 2011. I never truly knew what it was to be sleep deprived. I never knew what it was to feel terrified as well! I had done everything to prepare for this time yet I had absolutely NO idea what I was doing. Every assumption I made about bringing home a newborn was wrong. All I knew was that I had this teeny-tiny (and adorable) little being that belonged to me and was completely dependent on me. And that I loved him with every ounce of my being. Still, I don’t care how many kids you have “nannied” for or how many nieces and nephews or *sigh* dogs and cats you have, you really don’t know the full extent of how HARD it is until you are completely and fully responsible for this human being.
8. ...but it WILL get easier.
I felt like the first couple weeks of Brady’s life were an initial SHOCK. Almost like getting into the freezing cold water for swim practice at 7 am. You are up on warm dry land, still groggy from just waking up, and then all of a sudden you hit that water and your eyes fly open and you are completely cold and uncomfortable. Then after swimming a few hard laps, you start to warm up and get used to the water. That is exact same thing with parenting. He started sleeping longer stretches of the night, he started smiling, laughing, crawling, walking, feeding himself, talking, and sleeping through the night! And it got so much easier and so much more enjoyable! That little sack of potatoes we brought home from the hospital is now a little person with his own little personality. Every little fear and worry I had about being a mom was eventually calmed in one way or another. Some things quicker than others… And I was able to move on to worrying about the next phase and what I am doing to screw it up….but at least now I know….I am really not screwing it up and in the words of my husband, “It will be fine.”
7. When you are in the hospital LET THE NURSES TAKE THE BABY!
This is not true for everyone. This is a personal lesson for myself and no way am I meaning to advise anyone that they should give up bonding time with their baby on the first days of his/her life. But personally, this is something I wish I would have taken advantage of a little more. We were in the hospital for 4 days due to my c-section. While the nurses did take Brady to the nursery from time to time, I kept him with me mostly. I really wish I would have taken advantage of this more. I had just had my abomen cut open and something extracted from it. I needed to heal. By the time we got home I was an emotional nut case (partially because of the hormones) but mostly because I had not slept as much as I should’ve. Instead of enjoying my time with my new family, I was crying every 30 seconds for no reason. (Seriously….watching an episode of Full House would send me over the edge) Any time I got a stretch of sleep that lasted more than two hours, I woke up feeling like a new and happy person and was able to properly care for and enjoy my new son. It is crazy what just a little sleep can do for you.
6. You WILL go back to being yourself
Even when I was pregnant with Brady, I had the feeling that I was never going to feel “good” again. I felt horrible, was in so much pain and was exhausted. I just wanted him out. Then when he DID come out, I was sleep deprived, fat and didn’t have an appetite for the first few days. This initially subsided and I actually felt like a normal human being again. I remember being so swollen from the IV fluids at the hospital and one morning I woke up and looked in the mirror and my face had shrunk!! All the water weight was coming off. I also had horrible edema in my feet! I remember the day before my water broke, Steve and I were going out for a while and he was trying to get my shoes on my feet. They wouldn’t even go in halfway and tears just started streaming down my face. I was this monster who couldn’t even wear shoes and was forced to wear flip flops in fall weather because I was a giant puff ball. About a week after Brady was born I could easily wear the shoes again.
5. Don’t ask for parenting advice on Facebook….
….unless you really want to hear what every single person on the face of this earth has to say about something. Seriously, when it comes to parenting, everyone is an expert. And when you ask a parenting question on facebook, you are opening up FLOOD GATES!!! Now, trust me, when someone ELSE does this, I will give my opinion but I clearly state “This is what worked for me, but do what works for you.” There is no right or wrong way to do anything. There are OPTIONS and sometimes people just need to know something exists. (aka: teething tablets. WTF are they???) But you don’t need people telling you “You need to do this because I did.” I honestly only ask questions on Facebook when I really want to hear what other people did in the same situation...which isn't very often.
4. The only consistency…is inconsistency.
As soon as I get excited about my child doing something, he stops doing it. He changes so much every week that I can hardly keep up. I learned that if I expect change and welcome it, I do not get disappointed. On the flip side, if he starts doing something I do not like (aka: hitting me when he gets frustrated), I find comfort in knowing that it is probably a short phase and it won’t last.
3. Me going to work, is not taking “me” time.
I had this view for the longest time and did not realize how sexist it truly is. I see Dad’s all the time that have jobs and still go hang out with friends or have time away or go on date nights and no one gives it a moment’s thought. So why should being a female make this any different? Now, I WILL admit, I carried Brady for 40 weeks and 4 days before his life began, so I honestly think he and I have a connection with him that no other person will be able to duplicate. But me going to work and financially contributing to our family is not “me going out and playing” by myself. I honestly thought I WAS until a very wise person told me otherwise. My son is the most important person to me. My time with him is precious and when I am not working, I try to spend as much time with him as I can because I feel guilty enough for spending so much time away from him. But every now and again, it is ok to have “me” time.
2. They won’t understand until it happens to them
So in our various groups of friends, Steve and I were among the first to have a baby. Not THE first but we were and still ARE among the early ones. It got really old to hear “Why can’t you just get a sitter?” or have people wonder why we couldn’t just drop everything at the last minute to go get drinks. Or why can’t Steve go on vacation with his buddies while I stay home with the baby? No biggie, right? While we still try to be spontaneous (as much as our schedule allows) and make social time with friends, it just isn’t as easy as it was before. But it keeps us feeling connected to others, even if our time with them is not as often as we would like. Eventually, some of our friends and acquaintances started having kids. “Ohhhhhhh! Now I get it!!! Man I can’t just get up and leave whenever I feel like it and actually have to plan for things” Yep. Welcome to parenthood. Your membership packet is in the mail…
1. This too shall pass
One of my best friends mentioned wanting to get a tattoo of this phrase on her wrist. At first I thought the full meaning behind it was that hard times will go away and not last forever. She explained to me that it was partially true, but also that the good times will pass as well. It got me thinking about my own situation. My child will have phases that I do not like. He already has. But also, there are things about him that I LOVE that are going to pass as well. I dread the day that I come home from work and he does not run to the door yelling “MaaaMaaaaa!!!” with open arms, or being able to hold him in my arms while he falls asleep, or even have him help me with chores because he thinks it is fun. (He LOVES to vacuum). There will be a time when he grows up, becomes more independent, realizes I am not as cool as he thought I was. No matter how dependent he is at this age, I never ever want to take this time for granted, because it too shall pass.
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Meghan
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